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The end is nigh!

May 14, 2011 Leave a comment

Last night, after something like four months of a group of us juggling diaries, we finally did the video shoot for a project I’ve had in mind since late last year. There’s more to do: some still photography, design work, and fitting the whole thing together. It’s been a steep learning curve because I’ve had to work out how to do video editing and various ancillary things, but the end is now in sight. Another couple of weeks and I should be able to show and tell…

Thinking about spending money!

April 6, 2011 Leave a comment

I’ve reluctantly come to the conclusion that I’m going to have to spend some cash. Probably. My wallet is famed for the number of padlocks on it, and I’m renowned for trying to find cheap solutions to problems. You know the kind of thing: the wall of your house is falling down? No problem, a bit of duck tape will solve that… But this time, I suspect I may actually have to pull some actual currency out. Maybe.

The problem is this. I want to create a PDF file with a movie embedded in it. And the various programmes I have available to me for creating PDFs won’t do it. When I export to PDF, what they do is give me a nice picture of the first frame of the movie. Some of the problem appears to be with inserting the movie in such a way that it’s not an inline file, but that’s proved beyond the apparent capabilities of the programmes I’m using. There are workarounds on some of the Mac forums but they appear to require me to know a great deal more about programming than I actually do. Having spend an entire day playing with half a dozen programmes I’m bored now, so probably paying money to solve the problem is the way to go.

Allegedly Acrobat will do what I want. And so will iWork (I hate that over-stylised lower case ‘i’; nO wOnder kIds don’t uNderstand wHere uPper-cAse lEtters aRe sUpposed to go but i rAnted aBout that a wHile back).

The one saving grace is that fortunately both have a ‘try before you buy’ policy so I should be able to assemble the stuff I’m working on and see if I can make it work. If I ever do, it’ll be here before it’s anywhere else.

Meanwhile if anyone has any ideas that would work on a Mac, are free, and don’t involve Word, OpenOffice or Scribus (which I’d thought originally would be the ones most likely to work), I’d be interested to know.

How writing a story is similar to building a garden summer house

March 16, 2011 8 comments

I’ve been away for a few days, visiting friends. This is something I don’t do often enough, really. Even though I took work and my laptop and internet dongle, I never got round to doing much more than checking email and reading a bit of a novel because other stuff was going on, so while I’m notionally behind on where I wanted to be with my writing, I feel recharged and I’ll catch up.

The ‘other stuff’ that was going on largely involved erecting a summer house in my friends’ garden. It went up without much trouble and with people more expert than me doing most of the detailed work.

I helped out, though I’m far better at making joints between ideas than I am at getting bits of wood to butt up together neatly. If the summer house had been made out of concepts laid over a philosophical framework I would have done a really neat job. But that thought stayed with me, and of course making anything – from a garden summer house to a story and indeed almost anything else – will have many similarities.

On this view, writing a story involves:

  • taking delivery of a bunch of pre-made bits and pieces. With a summer house, these are largely factory-made sections and should be all you need (though we added some refinements). With a story, these will be things you’ve gathered from the grab-bag of your own imagination and research. They will include plot elements, character qualities, odd facts (real or invented), situations and locations (real or imaginary), and so on.
  • checking the plans and diagrams to see what you’re supposed to be doing. You do have plans and diagrams for your story, don’t you? Actually I often don’t; or at least, my plans may not bear too much of a relationship to the pieces I have to play with, or describe them with the same level of incoherence that I used to find in the manuals for electronic appliances in the 1970s.
  • making sure you have all the right tools. Drills, bits and screwdrivers for stories. The right character ‘voices’ for dialogue when building a summer house. Or is it the other way round? A lot of the summer house building was carried out with character voices anyway. I often do drill down, conceptually anyway, into locations and plot details to focus on small details. A good supply of coffee and tobacco in either case (I know, they’re bad habits… treat these as optional).
  • actually erecting the structure. Colourful vocabulary, occasional use of swearwords essential for both stories and summer houses. Holding odd bits of wood at awkward angles while your fingers freeze is not mandatory for stories, unless that’s your particular thing.
  • making ‘improvements’ as you go along and then finding these cause more problems you need to solve. Done that. Fortunately in the case of the summer house, there were some extra blocks of wood to ensure the thing was packed correctly, and we could use those. That may not be the case with a story.
  • sitting back, enjoying the result and deciding on decoration and finishing. Stories may not need a coat of paint on them but there are always bits you want to tinker with at a later date. This process can go on until someone wants to publish, and then you have to let go. That won’t be the case with a summer house, which will always be a work in progress.

See? Similar processes. Next time: how writing a story is similar to drug dealing (or something).

 

Blogging and not blogging

March 11, 2011 6 comments

When I first got into the blogging thing, I found some places that gave advice on the whole business of ‘successful’ blogging. The tips included:

  • write several pillar articles – tutorials that offer useful advice or reference material.
  • write a blog post every day (and keyword/tag them well).
  • comment on other people’s posts.
  • link/trackback to other posts/websites when you refer to them.
  • encourage comments.

There was more, about getting onto blog carnivals, getting listed on blog listings, sending posts out to be used as ezine articles and such, but that was the top and bottom of it.

And, of course, I follow all this advice fitfully – there are probably four of five ‘pillar’ articles on here, mostly concerned with e-learning, written over a period of close to a year. And I certainly don’t post every day.

Mostly I post when: I have something to brag about; one of my friends has done something I want to publicise (which reminds me, Psy-tek has just composed and recorded two tracks if anyone wants to license their use); something interesting or humorous happened; or something has caught my eye, often an obscure or offbeat thing on a news report.

Mostly, though, I don’t post when nothing much has happened, or when I’m busy. I have a life. It may not be much of a life, but at any one point I probably have some distance learning material to write or update, some student work to assess, half a dozen stories in various states of completion that I may or may not want to submit anywhere straightaway because I have some longer-range plans, and ‘just normal everyday stuff’ that always seems to take a lot longer to accomplish than I think it’s going to. Plus, of course, there are occasional points when I’m actually away for a few days.

So basically, if there’s nothing new on my blog it probably means (a) I have a deadline to finish distance learning materials or mark student work, or (b) I’m on a roll with the writing and managing 1500+ words a day. That may not be a lot by some people’s lights – quite a few of the writers I know on here easily do double that, but it seems to be about my limit. All I can say is spending a couple of hours hung up on how to phrase a particular sentence does seem to mean I don’t need to spend ages rewriting and editing at a later stage!

For the last week or so the answer has been (b). In addition to the stuff I’ve been writing, late last night I came across a wonderfully surreal passage in a Thomas Pynchon novel that set me on a line of thought and by this morning it had become the solution to a plot problem in a piece I started writing in late 2009 but that hung fire for about a year because I didn’t have a way to develop the story. And now I do.

However, it will have to wait because right now the answer is (a): after a long lull, my email has suddenly filled up with student papers for assessment. So I’ll stop now…

Apparently you’re supposed to end with a question to encourage comments. Here’s two for the price of one. What, if anything, stops you from blogging? What do you see as a mark of ‘success’ in a blog?

Sweating the small stuff

March 4, 2011 4 comments

Sometimes it’s the small stuff that causes the most problems.

I’m doing 1000-1500 words/day on a big project and other stuff as well. What I’m hung up on, though, is an invitation to write a piece of flash fiction, 300-500 words. It’s taking me longer to get that together than I’d normally take to write a short story – in fact I’ve written one short story and part of another on the fly, 3000-plus words, in addition to other stuff, since I started to think about the flash piece.

Why am I having this difficulty? Well, part of it is that I’m writing on a theme suggested by someone else. Sometimes I can do it, sometimes not. This particular theme is a politically hot one at the moment which seems to be pushing my imagination in a direction I think isn’t all that helpful. And part of it is that I’m starting from a point at which I have half a dozen ideas, but incomplete ones – words, phrases, ideas or images that have come to me from various sources (TV, conversations, things I came across while looking up references, dreams). Often when that happens, such things suddenly link together because my unconscious works on them and integrates them. On this occasion, not.

So I’ve been falling back on Plan B, which is the one Douglas Adams once described as ‘looking at a blank screen until your eyes bleed’.

I have one trait that is sometimes a disadvantage, but in this case may be helpful – what my parents, when I was a kid, described as a ‘grasshopper mind’. I’m usually writing three or four things at once, often skipping between them as an idea in one context suddenly seems more applicable in another. So for the moment I’ll just let the ideas sit and sweat. If I keep pushing on the other projects something useful will spark off in the back of my brain, I suspect.

It may come too late for the thing I’ve been invited to submit for, which would be a shame – but what the hell, once it’s done, it’s done, and I can use it elsewhere.

The birth of the British novel

February 8, 2011 4 comments

Just thought I’d do a quick post to recommend something that was on TV last night – Birth of the British Novel, a discussion of some of the earliest novels from the 1700s, when some genres and indeed the idea of the novel itself came to be established. It looks at Daniel Defoe, Jonathan Swift, Henry Fielding, Laurence Sterne, Fanny Burney and William Godwin – also at Horace Walpole’s The Castle of Otranto and the birth of Gothic fiction, and Samuel Richardson, author of Pamela and Clarissa – two epistolatory novels that took up an inordinate amount of time in my early studies of the sociology of literature and that I frankly never warmed to, though many years on I can appreciate their importance even though I still find them ridiculously annoying to read.

Key point (taken from the programme blurb): ‘the novel was more than mere entertainment, it was also a subversive hand grenade that would change British society for the better.’ It may be difficult to think of Pamela and Clarissa as ‘subversive hand grenades’ but even they articulated an awareness of the place of women in what was then a highly patriarchal society, and perhaps suggested to their mainly female readers views and values other than those Richardson himself might have wanted to propose.

Even if you have a reasonable knowledge of the history of English literature you may find something in this programme you didn’t previously know, or see a connection you hadn’t previously made. I did.

Fronted by Henry Hitchings, author of The Secret Life of Words: How English Became English (2008) and the just-published The Language Wars: A History of Proper English. It’s entertaining to see a programme about novels done by someone who looks like an ex-boxer, as though the analysis of the history of English involves pugilism. And maybe it does…

If you’ve missed it, it’s on the BBC iPlayer until next Monday. And it even comes with a warning: ‘Contains Adult Themes’. If you can’t get the iPlayer, I guess it’s possible that  in time that it might turn up on the BBC’s Youtube channel.

On being and doing: becoming an author (and a story)

February 6, 2011 4 comments

Over the last few days I’ve managed to get embroiled in some discussions about whether someone can describe themselves as an ‘author’ if they haven’t in fact published anything, or possibly even written anything.

The question is probably only really of interest to those who are aspiring authors who haven’t yet written much or published anything (though ‘publish’ in this internet age is itself a slippery concept, with self-publication, vanity publishers, blogs and other ways to get writing in front of potential readers).

There are parallels, though – the aspiring musician who hasn’t quite ‘made it’ in terms of regular gigs or a recording contract, the artist who has yet to do anything with their work other than leave it under the bed or in the attic, even the carpenter who hasn’t yet made anything out of wood.

And if there are parallels, there are also – what should we call them? Divergents? Perpendiculars? There are plenty of labels that have more moral force and are applied to someone’s entire social identity on the basis of an act that took maybe a minute or two – murderer, for example. There probably are people out there who might be described as ‘aspiring murderers’ or ‘murderers in waiting’ (I’ve known one or two people who might fit that description) but I don’t think it’s a term in common use. Certainly not as common as ‘aspiring author’, anyway. Which is probably a good thing.

(On a side note: I seem to remember Jake Arnott’s novel He Kills Coppers having a character who might be described as a ‘serial murderer in training’. In any event it’s a good book, well worth the read. There’s also plenty of sociological work on labels and how they’re used but it’s not entirely relevant to this discussion…)

Beyond that, it’s a niche philosophical question about the slipperiness of labels, the relation between doing and being, between intent and achievement. Very often, the advice offered to ‘aspiring’ authors is that they should ‘act as if’ – and in acting out the intent, the accomplishment gradually slips into reality.

What follows is a short piece of fiction. Probably.

***

John Undescribe (1952-2011) – the best writer you never read?

John Undescribe, one of the most talked-about yet mysterious authors of his generation, was found dead in his apartment last week. The cause of death is described as ‘accidental’ but no details have yet been released.

His writing career began at university. Though not a member of any student societies he participated in several ‘performance art’ projects, reading poetry and stories at events that often included a mix of dance, music, light projection, fire-breathing and large remote-controlled robots. None of this work was ever published. It is possible it was improvised.

Those who recall them say that they were emotionally moving, though frequently only semi-audible due to the nature of the performances. ‘They had a dreamlike quality,’ said one of his contemporaries who delined to be named. ‘They were like random phrases from some great, lost book of forbidden knowledge.’

Through most of his life, Undescribe lived in a cluttered, rented apartment within easy reach of The Foolscap, a bar favoured by many writers and poets. Regulars there remember him as a lively conversationalist with a sharp insight into contemporary social issues, whose off-the-cuff remarks could easily become the first lines of novels. Judging by the number of works in which he received dedications or other mentions, many of his comments have, in fact, become the first lines of novels by others. He has been described as ‘inspirational’ and ‘the greatest unknown writer of our time.’

He was retiscent about the details of his own writing, though was often prepared to discuss the underlying arguments, philosophical positions, or plot devices. Of his first novel he is reputed to have said ‘Publishers will hate it: it reads like a mystery writer’s second novel.’ He said he wouldn’t send it to a publisher until another novel by him had been released first.

That novel were a long time coming. In 1994, Undescribe was heard to remark in the bar that he’d written ‘three quarters of a million words, about a hundred thousand of which would be a novel – it’s just a case of which hundred thousand.’

At that time, however, poststructuralism had come into prominence. ‘The book’s finished,’ he announced one evening in the Foolscap bar. ‘But in the current climate, there’s no longer any point in getting it published. It addresses concerns no longer relevant to our understanding of what writing is.’

Instead he began work on another novel, also hewn from his massive manuscript. ‘The secret is in my name,’ he said. ‘Language has a complex relationship to reality because it constitutes what we see as reality. And it’s a recursive relationship, because our idea of language itself and what it can do is also constituted in that reality. We don’t have myths any more, we have fictions that are plastic and disposable. I no longer want to describe the world – even a world in which ships dream furiously of green translations. I want to undescribe it.’ (The reference to ‘ships dreaming furiously’ is probably a partial nod to George Steiner’s After Babel).

Other projects followed, including a cycle of short stories, allegedly translated into a mystical language of Undescribe’s own devising so that he could back-translate it into a finished product. In his last few years Undescribe appeared to move away from writing to focus on the impact of the spoken word. He would sometimes recite lengthy sections said to come from his works to acquaintences in the bar, to reactions varying from incomprehension to ecstacy.

Most notably, on one occasion he was credited with literally hypnotizing the entire bar, causing those present to believe for several days that they were in fact characters in one of Undescribe’s novels. None of those present knew the plots of the novel involved, though there was subsequent speculation that the novel would in fact be based on how the individuals concerned acted. Undescribe commented on occasion that truth was often stranger than fiction, because our imaginations are often limited by what we see as real: remove those limits and we can re-make the truth in strange ways.

Undescribe had no partner or children. If he left a will it is entirely likely to be contested on the basis that it is a work of fiction and not a legal document. A search of his apartment revealed many books, some rare and valuable, but no personal paper and no manuscripts of any description. It is unclear whether these ever existed, except perhaps in Undescribe’s own imagination. He is, on the basis of his contemporaries’ comments, perhaps the best writer whose works you will never be able to read.

The world according to Douglas Adams

August 23, 2010 Leave a comment

You probably haven’t been asking yourself ‘What’s Jon been doing for the last week or so?’. Because I haven’t posted. But I’ll tell you anyway.

I’ve been living life in accordance with some of the musings of the late and wonderful Douglas Adams, of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy fame.

There are several different themes in what follows, but don’t worry, just go with the flow.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Well actually, I don’t. It’s a sound I hate, but real life has been somewhat chaotic largely due to a particular individual who I have no obligation to help, but try to help anyway because he’s kind of family. This has meant days out ensuring he gets to doctor’s appointments and the like; days trying unsuccessfully to persuade him that doing something means getting up before 3pm, which in turn means going to bed before 5am; sorting out stuff he wanted for a camping trip that fell apart after the first night (the fact that you know someone who’s a distant relative of the site owner isn’t enough to get a free pitch, plus we had to drive over there to retrieve his tent and other stuff that he managed to leave behind…); also a whole load of other stuff.

I’m deliberately missing out the more sensational episodes because you probably wouldn’t credit it, and anyway I want to save it for a story. I’ve always threatened that bits of his life will end up fictionalised if he’s not careful.

Partly it’s ADHD that gives the impression of sheer bloody-mindedness and non-co-operation because he gets distracted, confused, genuinely insomniac and so forth. Partly it’s sheer bloody-mindedness and non-co-operation. Often it’s difficult to tell which.

From his point of view another quote applies: He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it. From my point of view: Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.

This has been the case with the dishwasher in the past. This time it was the oven, which wasn’t satisfied with just being an oven because it wanted a second career as a flamethrower. Turns out when it overheated, it fried the circuit board which led to the flamethrowing issue. Why should a gas oven have a circuit board in the first place? Can I not use it if there’s an electricity power cut then?

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

Not sure about this one. A pile of chips can solve many problems… We decided to strip the walls in the living room, finally, which was entertaining because prior to me moving here a few years back the place had been a multi-occupancy student let and commensurately poorly maintained. Paper had gone over a plaster skim which had been put over older wallpaper which covered holes from old pipework that had been filled with pages from children’s comics… Not found any holes that had been filled with potatoes yet but there’s still time.

And finally:

He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.

I may not have done a whole lot of actual work – though I have, finally, finished a rewrite of a distance learning module and my latest story is progressing at the rate of one whole sentence each day. But I have, in between interruptions, been able to plan my global domination of the e-book publishing market.

Some time ago I had an idea about how e-books enable authors to take control over pretty much everything to do with publication and publishers really now only have the function of providing a ready-made readership. So if you can develop your own readership, you no longer need them. The only problem from the writer’s point of view is developing the readership – and of course persuading people that something is worth purchasing.

The purchasing thing is also something I’ve blogged about. On the whole people who use the internet want free stuff. So the paid-for stuff has to have some add-ons. These might range from a physical copy, to artwork or podcasts or videos or Easter eggs embedded in the file, to running a membership-only chatroom/forum related to the work(s).

I don’t think anyone’s going to be wanting to use a forum or chatroom relating to my work, no least because my author blurb usually says something like ‘Jon Vagg writes late at night under the influence of too much caffeine. He has no other life to speak of and is socially inept. You really wouldn’t want to know him.’ But the other options are all still very much possible. We have the technology… or at least in the next new weeks, I’ll have some of it and various friends of mine have other forms of expertise that mean we can collectively put some stuff together.

So I (or, in fact, we) are now in a planning phase, and stuff should start to come together in the next couple of months. It largely depends on me being able to write more than one sentence of fiction a day…

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

I’ll go with the second theory. That fits both my life at the moment and the ideas and project I’m trying to work on. Watch this space…

Or, alternatively, this space –> [.]

I write like…?

July 23, 2010 2 comments

I write like
William Shakespeare

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Apparently, anyway. This is from I write like, a text analyser I found mentioned on The Nuppdate blog.

I tried my half-dozen most recent published pieces and got: Dan Brown, Stephen King (twice), William Shakespeare, William Gibson and Cory Doctorow. My last blog comes up as like David Foster Wallace, who I confess I’ve never read (or even heard of, until now).

It’s a fun thing but makes me wonder what it’s based on, in terms of reference materials and analytical criteria. For example, I put in the first three paragraphs of Andre Breton’s ‘Manifesto of Surrealism’ (1924) and it told me it was like Arthur Conan Doyle. More scarily, I also tried a page on crime prevention and antisocial behaviour from a local police website, to be told it was written in the style of Ray Bradbury. Perhaps fortunately it didn’t particularly specify Fahrenheit 451.

Oh, and a selection from the training course I’m updating – it was actually a segment on prisons policy, and I originally wrote it a couple of years ago – shows up as like H.P. Lovecraft…

The 90% rule

July 19, 2010 Leave a comment

It’s been a day of remembering the 90% rule.

The rule says: in any given project, the first 90% of the work takes up 90% of the time allocated. The remaining 10% of the work takes up the other 90% of the time.

I’d like to add my own twist to this: in developing and updating training materials, 90% of the work is ‘creative’ in the sense that it involves making judgements about whether material is still useful and relevant, adding in updates relating to new publications, etc. The other 90% of the work is the clerical stuff – making sure URLs are still valid and suchlike.

Such is the life of a freelancer.

Hopefully later this evening I’ll squeeze in a bit of time playing with duotrope, since I have a couple of stories written a while back I haven’t submitted anywhere.

Below, for the curious, is a picture of the inside of my brain as I reach the point of having 90% of the work done.

A cactus, highly modified in photoshop

Picture of the inside of my brain

[Pic courtesy of Chris Cafferkey - chriscaff.wordpress.com - see my blogroll for clickable link]

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