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Painting the ceiling

That’s what I’ve been doing today. Since I’m trying to redecorate an old Artexed ceiling, I’ve opted for some PolyGloop thick paint that’s supposed to fill the crevices (or crevasses) and self-level on the underside to create a flat ceiling surface.

It might actually work, by the fourth coat (I’m currently on the third).

But it reminded me of  an old science fiction story – probably 40 or 50 years old – in which an alien arrives on a farm in the Midwest of America, lands his flying causer and threatens the farmer with the instant destruction of Earth unless he can come up with some reason that would make the planet worth saving. Actually that might be me misremembering it, but anyway he wants to know what Earth has that’s worth having. The farmer is repainting the side of his barn, and suggests paint. He describes it as a thin film that can be easily applied with a brush, roller or spray gun to any surface, useful to protect materials from hazards such as rain, heat, cold and other hazards, and capable of being used in a range of colours for needs such as camouflage, military identification, or even decoration. At the end of the story I think he becomes, initially unwillingly, a wholesale supplier of paint for the intergalactic market.

There’s an enormous range of paints: crack-filling paint obviously, and for more specialist applications, paints that conduct electricity, paints that act as insulators, anti-vandal paint, heat-resisting paint, underwater paint, paint for spacecraft and so forth. But while applying gloop to the ceiling I thought of some others that would be cool, though I haven’t seen them for sale yet:

  • Self-patterning paint (though with stripes it would probably matter which direction you painted in).
  • Anti-gravity paint (it might be difficult to hang a picture  on a wall painted with this, but painting a floor with it could be interesting).
  • Structural paint (just paint onto thin air and it becomes a rigid structure, gives a whole new meaning to the idea of ‘painting your house’).
  • Emotipaint (changes colour depending on the emotions of people in a room; you might have a diagnostic version that  just reflects the emotions and an ‘active’ version that seeks to cheer people up or calm then down depending on what it detects). A more expensive variant might be precognitive or predictive paint…

Any other suggestions?

I’m off to finish the third coat of gloop now.

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  1. October 6, 2010 at 12:42 am

    Love the anti gravity paint. Can we have the non adherence to humans paint?

    The emotipaint is a little scary. What if you came home and the living room was red? Would you leave before your partner lashed out? Or if it’s pink and you really do have a headache?

  2. October 6, 2010 at 9:27 am

    Non-adherence to humans – that would be good. Actually, intelligent paint that doesn’t accidentally come off on clothes when you brush past a just-painted wall would be good, though I believe there is paint, like the stuff they use to paint white lines on roads, that dries in just a couple of minutes.

    At least with the emotipaint you’d know the score – if the living room’s red, turn round and go somewhere else for a couple of hours? Or go with the ‘active’ version that calms down angry people?

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